So this blog somehow has 627 page views. Now I honestly have no clue who might be reading this blog and why my thoughts are worth reading, but if you do read this blog, please comment! I'd love to hear some responses to the ideas I present.
I climbed a mountain today and the sun was still shining when I reached the top at 9:30pm. Kodiak, Alaska. What a place. It's hard to not acknowledge that some being must have formed these mountains with beautiful hands. I think I am an oddball, or I just haven't heard other people admit similar tendencies, but I love walking alone. On the way down from the mountain, at one point I was surrounded by high grass and flowers and thought if only to stay in this moment for a few days, just walking with the grass, noticing things, and not having to talk but just take in. On the hike up, someone asked me to talk about growing up in my hometown. And really that's the last thing I wanted to do while hiking up a mountain. For starters, I don't like to talk when I'm out of breath. And then, where do I start when talking about growing up in my hometown? I mean, what does one want to know about how someone grows up? There is so much I could say, I'm not sure where I would start...I could list my favorite things, or I could also follow my usual train of thought...disparity, embedded segregation, sheltered community. I think re-framing the way I think about growing up could actually be really positive for me. And I'll be spending a year there, so plenty of time (in fact the most amount of time in four years) to recognize what is worth telling about growing up in my hometown. But what would I say if I were to describe my favorite things about the place? Hmm something I like is if I want to talk about God, I will generally get a positive response in which people see things the same way I do. Even just being home briefly, someone said to me, "I see how God has really worked in your life through your time in college." That was so special to hear that. There are a lot of aspects of living in a secular, liberal environment that I appreciate, but there's something really nice about being with people who understand what I believe and the way I view the world. I never appreciated this about my home community (in fact I even criticized it before). Attempt at saying something profound, but actually stealing this from a convo with a friend: It's hardest to love the place you know the best (same goes for people right?).
Ya know, it's always interesting to talk with people about my home community. It's just a very different world where things run differently because they do. (That may be the vaguest statement I've ever made). But when people not from my community react in shock about some of the aspects, it's hard to present the place positively. For example, the fact that many families employ maids, many of whom are African-American--exemplifying characteristics of The Help. Yes it's an example that stands to portray so many deeply embedded issues, ingrained in the culture from way before my time. But things ARE changing. I think. I hope...And women's roles? Where do I even start with that conversation? Some friends from home and I recently talked about how women these days are working...we have to work...families need two incomes to make it at the standard of living nowadays (this reminds me of a conversation with a friend at NU...he said, it's not possible for everyone in the world to live at the American standard of living, so should anyone be able to live at this standard? tough...) These friends from home told me that they get surprised responses whenever they tell people they are going to medical school. "Oh how can you be a mother while being a doctor?" people say. A very very tough question, intertwined with changing gender roles and norms...who says men cannot be nurses (they can!)? What are the "rules" and expectations on who should bring in more income? The husband or wife? If the wife does, does that emasculate the husband? This brings me to ponder the meaning of masculinity--what are the origins of American masculinity, are they healthy, are they false, are they grounded in Biblical truth, and why is masculinity and money so connected!?
In Genesis 3:17 God anoints Adam as the provider in a way. The verse says, “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life." Man is cursed with painful toil, woman is cursed with painful labor (unfortunately). Now women are also working. My friend joked, "Now we have to deal with both curses. Men just have to work." I'd like to take a look at the gender to work roles established in the garden of Eden before the fall. It seemed that there was just fruit...but Adam also worked (did Eve? I'm not sure). But I definitely heard a sermon once about how human beings are meant to work, we find fulfillment through contributing, since Adam was the caretaker of the garden of Eden...
My favorite part of this day (and it was a very good day) was the "class" I am partaking in with the other counselors. This professor of English who loves etymology is leading our class. And I am so into his facilitation techniques! He divided us into small groups (good move) to generate ideas about topics we would like to cover this week (woah, way to activate our minds and get us engaged by incorporating our interests in the class formation). He invited us to discuss really controversial things...so as a group we expressed interest in discovering/exploring what the Bible says about homosexuality and how should the church handle this issue? Also, what are women's roles in the church/can women teach? (he also told us a fancy word for a / but I've forgotten it). Also, how do we navigate living and growing in faith in a secular work environment (think this might be the most helpful for me)? And Also, in general we wanted to learn about the origins of the church especially in relation to the views about women and homosexuality. Okay so I literally cannot wait for class tomorrow. I'm so excited to have these discussions. This is almost as amazing as the time that I had a discussion with Luke Miedma and Nathan Hedman about gender roles in the church. This impromptu discussion of gender roles and the parallels between male-female give-take relationship, discussion of sex as a reflection of the relationship between Father-Son-Spirit God was so thought-provoking. Odd. But resonant. Well tomorrow has some cool things in store that I will probably write about.
On the one hand, I loved having spiritual discussions. On the other hand, hanging out with kids wore me out. They are adorable. Yes. But man, they need so much attention to just follow directions. Led them in gymnastics today, taught them back-bends, hand-stands, forward rolls...nervous that someone would break something the whole time. They get so excited to do a trick, or when they are good at something! It's weird to interact with so many different kids, with such different personalities, and think who was I like as a child? Was I that un-self-aware of how obnoxious I was? Did I get my feelings hurt that easily (yes)? Did I attach to older people as if I was a starfish? They're cute and lovely, but I can only take about this much of them at a time...Man, parents are in for a ride of learning to be selfless and patient! wooooo.
In the middle of the day, I felt tired and a bit like, how do I do this for more weeks if I'm tired after the first day?...But surprisingly, I feel joy from a sense of camaraderie with the other counselors. We suffered through the craziness together, and by the end of the day, after a long exhausting hike before sunset (at midnight), it brought me great happiness to eat a bowl of honey nut cheerios while Clay Burrows downed waffles smothered with peanut butter and dowsed in syrup. Poor guy. But secretly, I like seeing people at their rawest. And usually this happens when people are tired and hungry. The real rises to the surface. See I know my real, and it's a bit of a relief to see that other people have a "real" that I don't know. Clay Burrows, I'm so glad you're my friend. You are one of the most sensitive, caring men I know (even though you do get competitive). It was so kind of you to ask if the joking had gone too far while we all cleaned up after supper. Ya know, I was just engaging in the jokes about my hometown, living it up and letting it pass over me. But it meant a lot that you took the time to ask if y'all had crossed a line. I admire that quality, and it merits you one tally point. In conclusion, I'm sure tomorrow will be very tiring. There will be more moments of keeping kids in line, telling them "No front flips!" and help them get their heads off the ground for back-bends. But I also know there will be some breakthroughs. There will be some smiles. There will be more hugs. There may even be cool conversations with the kids. One of the sweetest moments of my time at Kodiak has been when my 6 year old friend told me why God is good and told me the story of Samson. I know I will have strength because I have friends who are in this with me. Friends giving their energy towards showing the love of Christ to kids and one another...even if that is to do a million forward rolls. And gosh I'm sure learning a lot!
Oh and I can't forget, Drew I told you I would blog about your cooking...okay let's see. Split pea soup with carrots and potatoes delectable! I had two bowls...I think that says it all right there. At dinner the meatballs were definitely tasty (which for me is a big thing to say because I don't like meat). So kudos! Keep on cookin, and I'll give a special shout out to the food.
This reminds me of another wonderful moment today that I'd like to remember. During our break, some of the counselors and I went to this coffeeshop run by Russian Orthodox followers...I had this amazing beet and cabbage soup. Beets are like the best thing I never knew about. So tasty. soft, and good! Borsch soup it was called. My counselor friend from Germany said that she has had Borsch soup a lot. That was a first having Borsch soup, and I have to say it's a winner. I also got a free wood painting of Mary...Is that cool or what?
Little gifts, little moments, joy is found in writing about them. Thank you for reading. I hope you have a blessed day.
~Catherine
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